Walking It Out In Faith... Step by Step...

Today the sun shone down on us despite the crisp air.  The blue sky was like a smile from heaven looking down on the line of people reaching across the lot.  We drove into the lot and the line was already out to the side walk.  People gathered across the street in anticipation for the food that was on its way.  Some people sat up against the fence that  lines the lot waitting to see the actual truck before they made their way to the back of the line.  The volunteers gather around for a few quick words before reaching out to hold hands in prayer for the day to unfold, "Your Will be done on North First Street! Amen!" 

As soon as the prayer is finsihed, the back of the trailer is opened and like little ants marching along, the tables are carted out, followed by the bins of plates, napkins, cups, food.... bin after bin are unloaded and organized along the tables.  Once everyone is in their place ready to serve... Keith jumps up on the tailgate of the little red pickup truck and addresses the eager faces in the long line.  He takes off his hat and begins to pray in Jesus name... thanking for God's provision, for the safety of all our lunch guests, and for the amazing grace that only God can give! He shares in less than a minute the stoyr of the feeding of the 5,000 and shares the fact that a man last week who was prayed for got a job this week!  The crowd shouted out "Amens, and Jesus!!" and before we knew it, the food line was started.  Homemade Macaroni and Cheese, hot dogs, apples, pears, homemade cookies, sheet cakes, and "Don's Donuts" were on the menu today.  But what stuck out in my mind this week was the "How" of how it comes about.....

There is no manual for this stuff..... we just try so hard to listen to the lead that God is giving
us and it looks something like this. 

• I go to Cash n Carry and ask God... how much do week need? And God replies "Four Boxes of Pasta, 5 large bags of cheese, butter, milk, and 10 aluminum roasting pans.
• I go home and ask God... how much should I cook? And God replies, "Keep cooking until it is all gone."
• "Where will I store it all after it is cooked God?"..... and He replies, "In the 10 aluminum pans... put them in the freezer. .... You know, the freezer that I just brought you this week that someone donated...."
• "But how will I warm them all up in the morning Lord?"...."Ask your neighbors if you can use their ovens... and don't forget the 4 roasting pans that I provided for you."
• "O.K. God, so I did all of that... but we are just about ready to go and I don't have enough room to transport them all down to North First Street."....."Pour all of the pans of Macaroni and Cheese into the 36 gallon rubber bin and serve it out of that."
• So...... We did..... and it was so heavy that the neighbor man had to come and help Keith lift it.  It truly had to be over 100 pounds because the two of us couldn't lift it.  "But Lord, isn't this too much food? I have never in my life seen this much Macaroni in my life...."

The rest of the story..... We got down to the lot and when it was said and done, we had served over 200 people.  There was nothing left over.... 250 hot dogs, over 100 pounds of homemade mac n' cheese, apples, pears, desserts...

• "Lord, that was crazy!!! There were so many people and they were so thankful and they are smiling more!"...... God replies, "I knew there would be.... and that is why I had you make so much... I love them as much as I love you and I want them to know me...."

In my heart of hearts I know without a doubt that they feel Jesus' presence!  I know that they feel His love and that layer by layer; like a huge Walla Walla Sweet onion- their layers are peeling off.  Little by little, week by week they are opening up to the love of Jesus!  You can see it in their smile, in their hugs, in their renewed hope.... even if for some it is just enabling them to hang on a little longer.... Some may peel fast, and some may take years... but no matter what.... the layers are peeling.

Thank You Jesus for speaking to each one of us... for guiding us and leading us along this path called "life".  Thank You for being so specific as to the amount of "cheese to buy" or the right person to offer a certain coat to.  Lord, You know their needs and You know our needs and You have not forgotten any of us..... Thank You Jesus for being my guide.. my Light!!! In Jesus Holy Name, Amen! :0)

It has almost been a year now that we have been going down to North 1st Street to feed the homeless.  We have had a variety of responses, some of which surprise me.  I am still caught off guard when I meet someone who wants to jump in and help.  They want to either bring by clothes or drop off water and toilet paper by our house.  Some people bring by hotel room shampoos and conditioner that they have collected over the years.  Every little bit helps so much and blesses so many people.  I so badly want them to know that their "small" act of kindness blesses more than they could know. 

Other people have said, "That's neat that you are doing that, but it is just not my thing." or "I don't know how you do it, there are so many other people who I would rather help. You know that they got there because of their bad choices." or "It is their choice to be there, they could help themselves if they wanted," and finally, "They deserve it and you are just making it easier for them."

I have spent the last year being obedient to God but internally wondering if we were doing the right thing.  What the Lord has put on my heart is simple, "I have commanded you to feed and clothe the poor."   The question remains..."Does one person deserve 'Hope' more than another?"  "Does a person who is so hurt and damaged that they would sell their bodies for drugs deserve 'Hope' less than someone who does not?"  I think that we like to classify people into those who "deserve" healing and those who do not; those who 'deserve' forgiveness and those who do not; those who 'deserve' our time and effort vs. those who do not.  This is not biblical.... this is convenient.  God said, "Go out into the world and preach the gospel," "feed and clothe the poor and the widows",  "love your neighbor", and He came for ALL people. 

With all of that said, I can only encourage you to reach out to someone, anyone.  They maybe homeless or have a home, they may be old or young, they may be rich or poor... these things to not matter, but just try to open your eyes a little wider and try to see the world around you from God's perspective.  It is both alarming and uncomfortable.  It makes me feel sorrowful at times yet joyful knowing that I can make a difference one person at a time.  If we all reach out to someone in need rather than pass them by, our world would be a kinder, healthier place.  There are elderly who are incredibly lonely, children who need someone to encourage them, single parents who need to know that they are not alone.... face it.... We all need the HOPE that Jesus Christ offers and when we have that... we need to pass that gift on to someone who does not. 

Today as we were wrapping things up and putting the tables away, Glen just wanted to be heard.  He didn't want food or clothes, he just wanted to be heard.  He said, "I just want to sit and have a cup of coffee with someone who is not going to try and take something from me."  " A cup of coffee?  He is actually asking for a friend.  Can I really call myself a Christian if I can listen to that request and ignore it?  How much more clear does he have to be?  It has been almost a year and Glenn just wants to sit and visit over a cup of coffee. 

We all have something to offer someone... some time, an ear, a loaf of bread, or a coat.  Today we served piping hot beef stew with potatoes and carrots.  There is something so amazing and joyful about looking into the eyes of another human being and hand them a nice plate of hot healthy food that will bring nutrition to their bodies with a side of "hope and love" served right up with it.  Our lives may seem miles apart from the "needy" but when you look them in the eyes.... you see someone's baby girl or someone's little boy who has grown up... you see someone that is a whole lot more like you... than different from you. 

As you go through your week... take an extra minute to look beyond your "normal" routine.... and see someone who could use some words of encouragement, some dignity, some hope.  Actively seek God in all that you do and your life will never be the same again!!! :0)

Summer Sundays....

Today is August 12, 2012.... School starts in 2 weeks and I will be back in the routine of work, kids, school, etc.  My last blog was back in June right after school was over for the summer.  For whatever reason, I have not felt the urge to write over the past few months.  It may be that I needed to relax and take a break from "producing" something... It seems like so much of our lives are going through mental lists of "to do" items, completing them, and then checking off our accomplishments.  I think I needed a break from any "to do" items for a while. 
     Taking a break from blogging did not mean taking a break from the homeless though.  On the contrary... we have been going down every Sunday at 2:00 to bring food and hope to our North 1st. Street friends.  There were some days when they did not think we would be there because it was so hot, but there we were.... setting up our canopy tents, lining up the tables, arranging the food, and passing out the water... lots and lots of water... and sometimes even popcicles :0)  
      The heat has not kept us away, nor have the long lines of people, the summer schedules, or the thunder storms.  Amazingly we have always had enough volunteers.  There are no sign up sheets or scheduled workers...we just get the people who show up... and to my amazement... we always have enough people to help.  I shouldn't be surprised, but I am.  They show up in the blazing sun with smiles on their faces... ready to serve the Lord.  It is humbling and so appreciated.  There is something wonderful about standing shoulder to shoulder with other people who have "like hearts" for the people we serve.  Our volunteers this summer have ranged from grade school age to 80+ years old- (bless their hearts!). 
      We have also not lacked for food or clothes to distribute.  See... the Lord has spent the last few months working on my heart.  He is in the process of growing it and transforming it to be in alignment with His Will.  Throughout the summer, I felt like the Lord was trying to teach me something... but from week to week, I couldn't put my finger on it.  Today I felt like I had a glimpse of some of the things that I've learned. 
1.  The first thing that I can see the Lord working with me on is to give up control... control of all the details.  As I have mentioned before, I tend to worry about where we will get what we need, if we will have enough, and how it will impact our family.  The Lord has shown me this summer that He has it all under control.  God has shown me that all that we have belongs to Him and that my job is to just obey what I have been asked to do... Specifically- to feed and clothe the people on North 1st Street.  I am not to worry about where the things come from, God provides.  If food is not donated, then I am to go out and buy what is needed.  God will take care of our needs. 

2.  The second thing that I have learned has been to stop questioning "why" we are doing what we are doing and to not "add" extra tasks on to our directions.  God said very specifically to "feed" and "clothe" the people on North 1st with food, clothes, hope, and love.  That is all.... We are not to try and fix their problems, give them rides,  find them housing, or "church" them.    Our job is specifically to feed, clothe, and speak hope/love to the poor.  Our message is clear.... "Jesus loves you very much and so do we."

3.  Finally, I have learned that God is infiltrating North 1st St. and that I can not even  begin to understanding all of the amazing things that He is doing in the hearts of our volunteers as well as the hearts of our First St. Friends.  We have seen a wonderful number of people find jobs this summer.  We have watched them transform as hope continues to grow in their lives.  Some people have opted to go into rehab while others have found better housing.   One man replied after Keith inquired about his week, "It has been a really good week.  I am not sure why things have  gotten better.  Maybe because I have been hanging out with you guys."   It was not us... that made the difference... it was  God in us... that he encountered. 

Today a lady made an interesting statement.  She said, "I watch you guys give every week to these people who chose to spend their money on drugs instead of food for themselves and their children.  You never judge them for this or make them feel bad.  You just give and give.  You dont' ask anything from them.  I want to start giving back.  Can I help next week?"   (She is homeless, but observed this over the past weeks.) To me, this was very humbling and rewarding.  She gets it... she described how Jesus loves us.... Somehow it is showing through. That is all I want... I just want them to know that this way of loving... is how Jeus loves us!

We have met homeless people from Yakima as well as people who have ended up here from clear across the country.  One special lady I was able to pray with is not much older than I am but she is suffereing from the late stages of pancreatic cancer.  She is so thin with a beautiful sunny smile.  Unfortunately she is homeless and has so much pain that she uses alcohol for pain relief.  A year and a half ago I lost my own mom from ovarian cancer.  Her last weeks were mostly incoherant to her because she was so heavily medicated with morphine due to the severe pain.  I can't blame the lady I met for self medicating with alcohol... when I think of the pain mom was in.... I can only pray that this lady is able to find pain relief in this last stage of her life.  She is a believer, but is also suffering from a painful disease.  Today she told me that she was beaten up last week.  My heart cried for her...I stopped and prayed with her for protection and relief from the pain.  This summer has helped me drift down the spectrum of "judgementalness"....We just never know what we would do in someone else's shoes. 

Over the past few months we have seen people thrown into jail and people released.  We have seen couples broken up and reunited.  Babies have been born and babies have been removed from homes.  People have been filled with hope, jobs, and a future as well others filled with depression and despair.  New people have come and filled in the places in line where old friends once stood.  Some of our regulars have disappeared while others have remained and grown.  The Lord has taught me this summer that "He" is responsible for the growth and development of each invidual and that each person is at a different point along the path of life.  My job is to be obedient to what is asked of me by God and to do my part with joy.... God takes care of the rest.... All of the rest!!!

Through this summer I have gained a peace and contentment with my life... I have become comfortable with a simpler, less stressful day.  It is not necessary to make "busyness".  God has specific things that He calls us to... and sometimes we need to be quiet enough to hear what those things are so that we are not just running around being "busy". 

Thank you Jesus for being my Lord, for loving me, and for continuing to grow me.  I love this adventure that you have us on.  Please keep my heart soft and open to you.  In Jesus Holy Name- Amen!  :0)

Can you see air?.......

Genesis 1:1  "In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth...."  fast forward in time.....and Keith is standing in the lot on North 1st street asking a 20  year old  "Can you see air?"  "Well you can see the wind blo...", Keith interupted, "Can you see air?"  "Well you can see condensation.." replied the young man.  "No, can you see air?  So you think your lungs are working?" Keith continued.."No you can't physically see the air that is going into them, but you know that they are working and that the air is traveling into your blood stream...."  This was the conversation that lead to a young man who proclaimed to be an atheist  accepting Christ as his Lord and Savior. 

What a day on North 1st Street....The day before had been rainy and stormy with thunder and lighting.  The morning had traces of hail falling from the sky with threats of further storms.. but by the time we were ready to head down to North 1st street the weather had cleared and the sun was shisning!  On our way back from Seattle on Friday, Keith announced that he would love to bar-b-cue for our North 1st Street friends.  By the time that we got to Ellensburg we went from "maybe we can bar-b-cue sometime this summer" to "We need to do it this weekend!"  So with coolers filled to the rim with hotdogs and hamburgers, iced bottles of water, and a ton of treats... we were off... off with expectation that the Lord would show up!  That the Lord would be in the mood for a cook out! lol :)

I should have known from the line that was already formed out to the side walk that it would be a busy day!  Usually when we pull into the lot there are people waiting, but this day we had a line formed that almost reached the sidewalk before we were even parked!  We lined up the tables, layed out our food, and gloved up!! We had a lot of hungry friends to take care of.  Keith led us in prayer and the day began... We had already cooked some hotdogs to get started then we fired up the bar-b-cue and cooked the rest right there... there is something really nice about smelling the bar-b-cue smoking away that just makes the food taste so  much better.  It was awesome!  We had wonderful volunteers that brought homemade cup cakes,  apples, candy, and cookies! 

Our homeless friends had plenty to fill their stomachs with today... There was a enough for seconds and thirds if they wanted.  Keith grabbed a couple boxes of hamburger patties "for an emergency" in case we ran out of hotdogs.  Well... it wasn't long before the hamburgers were cooking... yes... we went through all of the hotdogs and all of the hamburgers....

As soon as most of the people got through the food line, we started taking out the boxes of clothes.  Every where I looked seemed to be filled with people.  People eating, people talking, people digging through boxes for clothes...people visiting... I loved the day... It was neat to meet new people as well as to see some of my old favorites.  Part way through the afternoon someone called for Keith... they wanted to speak to a young guy who had a lot of questions about the Lord.  It turns out that this guy had been in jail for a period of time and while he was in jail he decided to pray... he was a self- proclaimed atheist and had never prayed before.  He prayed while he was in jail and then his circumstances improved and he was released from jail.  One of the volunteers asked him while he stood in the food line if he would like a bible.  He said "yes", but he wanted to know more about "this Jesus guy".  The volunteer called Keith who then was able to share the Lord with him.  Keith addressed his questions and disbelief  using the example of "seeing air" because the young man kept saying that he didn't believe anything that he couldn't see. 

 The story continues though... because a man had been following Keith around all day.  Every time he turned around this guy was there.  Keith didn't know who he was but as Keith was getting ready to speak with the young man, he noticed this stranger standing by him.  Keith shared about Jesus then the stranger started telling his story.... He shared that he also had been in prison.... for 4 years... he had been in the wrong place at the wrong time and had to serve 4 years for a crime that he saw, but did not commit.  The man shared that instead of being bitter, he chose to dive into the bible and learn more about Jesus.  He was able to relate his relationship with the Lord to the young man in a way that made sense to him.  The young man could easily relate to the 60 some year old stranger's story becasue they shared similar circumstances so they were able to share peer to peer.  Keith jumped in and shared, "We are here because of Jesus! God is real!  You felt it in jail or you wouldn't have prayed!"  God knew what this young man needed to hear because when Keith asked him if he wanted to give his life to the Lord... the man agreed enthusiastically.  He gave his life to the Lord Sunday 6/24/2012 in an empty lot on North 1st Street!  Praise God!!!!  If for no other reason but that..... these last 8 months have been worth it!  His life will never be the same.

This was such a cool example of how one person does "a little something" (volunteer offers young man a bible);  that "little something" turned into a "someone" (the young man); And that someone's life was dramatically changed by the power of the Holy Spirt!  The 60 something year old stranger also chose to do a little "something" by sharing his story which spoke directly to the young man's heart!  If our church wouldn't have done their "little something" and donated the bibles, the topic may not have come up.  We all can do a "little something" and God takes care of the rest!!! Thank you Jesus!!!

Other wonderful things happened this week,  a husband who has been coming all winter handed me his cell phone.  "It's my wife...she wants to talk to you."  I took the call and spent the next few minutes encouraging his wife who is in treatment.  She is pregnant and is is treatment for 3 months.  I encouraged her to hang in there, that she could make it.... for their baby and for their family!  After ended the call her husband told me that he was going to go into treatment at the end of the month.  I was so happy for him and was able to breath life giving words into him also. 

Shortly after that, "Freeman" (the name we have give one of our friends who we met the first day he was out of jail) shared how long it had been since he drank and how long it had been since he had smoked weed.  Again I encouraged him to stay with it!..... That is the only way that the future is going to crack open for him otherwise he will be locked in his own personal hell.  After giving him a big hug and squeeze... he was off... "I'll be praying for you!" I called after him.  He returned my encouragement with a quick flash of a smile and wave of his hand.... I pray that he is able to stay dry!

This must have been the day of encouragement because fianlly, a lady who has come all winter shared that her husband had been dry for 4 months but that he was angry that he had to take a breath alyzer test now after all this time.  As I was walking the field picking up garbage I was able to catch him before he left..."Wait!" I called after him....."Do it for yourself!" He looked at me with a question on his face.  I explained that his wife had shared with me how he was feeling.  I felt like I was the North First St. cheer leader!! "You stay clean for you!  Don't worry about the law... they have to follow their rules, but stay clean for you... and your family!  God made you special... he made you because he has a purpose for your life!"  The husband's eye brows went up and his eyes widened as I continued....."You are special and if you can stay dry... then you have a future!  A life!!! The world breaks open with possiblities for you!"  A wide smile broke out over his face and he thanked me.  He trotted off and joined his wife with a little bit of "joy" in his step. 

These are just a few examples of the wonderful things that God is doing out on North 1st St.  They are just little glimpses into the things that I was able to experience.  I know that each volunteer has their own wonderful stories... the little bright spots that they see from week to week.... the places where they see God shining through!  I think God sends us each other.... and that He works through each of us to breath life and hope into each other so that we can get a glimpse of the Glory of God!!! Our actions and words are used by God to further the Kingdom of God! They are not said and done to point back to ourselves.... the joy comes when we listen to the promptings of the Lord and let His words encourage, heal, and breath life into the people around us..... In doing so, we are healed, encouraged, and filled with life.

Thank you Lord that You have made it so easy for us to receive You.  It only takes looking out the windows at your creation to know that you are real!  I pray that all of our friends on North First St. will come to know you and invite you into their lives... because even though life will always have trouble of its own.... with You Lord.... It will never, ever be the same!!!! In Jesus Holy Name..Amen

Audacious Faith!!

I want "Audacious Faith" just like Joshua!  Our pastor has been preaching about Joshua's Audacious Faith from Steven Furtick's book "Sun Stand Still."  Joshua had such amazing faith in the Lord!  In Joshua 3:5 Joshua tells the people , "Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the Lord will do amazing things among you."  And amazing things He did do... for the Israelites crossed the Jordan river- not by swimming it, or boating across, but by walking in their sandals across a dry river bed.... during the flood season... how is this possible?  Of course because our God is amazing and because Joshua believed... he had "Audacious Faith". 

Later in Joshua...10:12 "Joshua said to the Lord in the presence of Israel: 'Sun stand still over Gibeon, and you, moon, over the Valley of Aijalon."  Joshua prayed an Audaciously Huge prayer!! He asked the Lord to stop time... for the sun to stand still and for time to stop.... ' so the sun stood still and the moon stopped, till the nation avenged itself on its enemies.'  Wow!! Can you imagine having such huge faith in God that you would ask for such a huge prayer to be answered .... and expect it to be answered??? God dammed up the water and dried up the riverbed so that His people could cross the Jordan.  As soon as they stepped onto dry land, the riverbed started to fill with water again.  His people had not doubt that it was God that performed the miracle... It was God that loved them so much that He kept his promise to protect them and never leave them. 

Fast forward to June 2012 on North First Street in Yakima, Washington.... we stand with our North First Street friends and with Audacious Faith we ask God to supply the needs of the people.  We ask for specific sizes to appear, for shoes to be located in the bottom of a box that would  be the perfect fit for Heidi or Melissa, or Raul.  As we walk back to the car after holding our finger up to someone, "Just a second, I will check and see if we have that..." we pray "Lord please let there be one more roll of toilet paper left in the car for this person, or please let there be more food back here for the hungry couple standing in front of me."  We don't pray these prayers in vain so that we can be the heroes or so that we get great thanks... we pray the prayer so that we can then turn to the person in need and say, "Wow! Look how awesome God is... He saved one more roll just for you"...... or "Look- God knew just your size... He will never leave you or forsake you." 

It is so cool because God just keeps growing my faith... I don't test Him... but by the nature of what we do on North First St... it demands this kind of faith because we never know what we are going to get.  We don't know who will show up, what they will need, or what will be donated... it is all on faith.  We don't know how many people will show up to eat or if we will have enough... We don't even know most of the time if we are going to have the time to put it all together.  But guess what?.... we always do have enough.... and clothes always do show up... and there is always enough time... and food always comes from somewhere... and the sizes do appear... not always immediately... but in those cases we tell our North First St. friends that we will pray for their needs during the week and see what God brings us.

Please do not think that I believe that my God is a genie because I surely do not!  I do believe that God knows our needs and that He makes a way.... it may not always be the way we expect... but He always makes a way.... My own faith is not yet "Audacious" but it is growing... daily.....weekly as we step out in faith and head down to "the lot" where we meet "the least of these"... "the desperate and the broken....". 

I think one thing that is hard for me is that I want to be able to give them an answer to their questions... I want to fix their needs... When a 31 year old guy named Chris says that "His mom asked him to come to Yakima, but wouldn't let him live with her..."  "She lied," he says, "My mom lied to me."  I want to say something that will fix it... that will bring first aid to his broken heart.... God is the only one who brings words to my lips... He is the only one who can minister to Chris' heart... We give him words of hope, but only God can direct his path.  I step out in "Audacious Faith" as I say..."Hang in there... we will do what we can and God is taking care of you."

At church today I was truly inspired and moved by a young man.  He has Down Syndrome, but it sure didn't seem to stop him from having "Audacious Faith".    During the few seconds between worship songs I heard him free worshiping.  He said in a wonderfully full voice, "God, You are my Father... Happy Father's Day... I love You God!"  It was so beautiful.  The sincerity in his voice made it clear that he fully believed that God is his father and that God loves him so much that there was no doubt in his mind that God was listening to his prayer right that moment... You may say that we all believe this... but do we really? Do we really believe that God is listening to us and loves us individually and intimately??? It was a precious intimate peek into the faithful heart of a loving young man.   

I pray that God continues to grow my faith... that He continues to stretch me and grow me so that I do not even hesitate to ask God to dry up the river bed.... or to ask for the sun to stand still.... or for Chris to come to know Jesus as his Lord and Savior, ...... for him to heal from the inside out.... oh yea... Chris is HIV positive... with Audacious Faith I pray that Chris will come to know Jesus as Lord of his life and that he will be able to touch many people's lives with his testimony!

We are all at different places with our faith... but we can all do something.  As Keith told me, "We can all do something, because when we do something for someone... they become somebody... and when they become somebody they can be moved by the power of the Holy Spirit!!!"   Lord please help us all to hear your prompting.... so we can do a little something! In Jesus Holy Name,  Amen!  (P.S.  Happy Father's Day... every day is Your day.... I love You and thank You for being my Father!)

Let My Life Be The Proof....

1 Corinthians 13:1  "Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love.  I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal.  And though I have the gift of prophesy, and understanding all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor and though I give my body to be burned but have not love, I am nothing."

I have heard this verse so many times but it was not until I heard it sung by the group For King and Country that I really connected with it.  In the lyrics from their song "The Proof of Your Love" they sing, "If I give to a needy soul but don't have love, then who is poor? It seems only the poverty is in me."  At the end of the song, it changes from singing to speaking and paraphrases 1 Corinthians 13:1.  Wow was that powerful!! I can do all the volunteering that I want to, but if I don't have love in my heart for the  people- then it is all for nothing.  I can cook up all the food that I want to for them, but if I don't really love them... then it is for nothing. 

Today on North 1st Street it was great!  I felt God's love percolating like a coffee pot in the morning.  It seemed like the volunteers had their hearts into it and that they were really enjoying reaching out to our North 1st St. friends.  The line of people snaked out to the sidewalk again as we set up pans of piping hot "Que Bueno" cheese sauce and chili.  The menu was "nachos with cheese and chile" along with other wonderful sweet yummy things to eat.  I don't know if it was the fact that there was a lot of hot food to go around or if people were thrilled with the sunny day.... but people on both sides of the tables seemed extra happy.  Sometimes there is an overall feeling of solemness or hopelessness, but yesterday most people seemed to have a little extra warmth in their hearts.

It is a lot of work getting prepared for a Sunday.... a lot of organization of clothes, boxes, shopping for the food, food prep, etc.... but what hit me so much was that if I don't truly love the people.... it is for nothing.  With the lyrics of this song ringing in my heart... I saw North 1st St. with different eyes.  Chris- my friend that lives under the bridge came and filled up her bag with clothes.  Between her food, the garbage bag filled with clothes, and her normal bag she carried-  Chris had too much to carry.  She asked if I would give her a ride  home.  Right away I knew that she meant a ride to the bridge.... and for right now it is home.  Immediately I replied, "Absolutely!"  As we were getting ready to leave- she saw the stack of bibles that we were giving away and she said, "Hey can I have a bible?  I've never read one before.  It sure couldn't hurt to give Jesus a try."  After 8 months of knowing Chris.... my heart leaped!!! Yeah!! I handed her a bible and told her to start in John  "The Old Testament isn't the best place to start.. just skip right to the gospel of John to start with." 

Chris, Kaecey, and I jumped into the car with bags in tow and headed off to the bridge.... Again Chris said,  "Well the bible will give me something to read under the bridge."  Once we got to the overpass, I parked the car along the side of the road so that we could help Chris with her bags.  She brought us to her "home".  It was the underside of the freeway... with cars racing overhead... muffled engines roaring off to their next destination... drivers unaware of the lives that reside under the asphalt that lines the road.   We used a rope to help pull our way up the steep incline only to find four long cement chambers made by the trusses of the highway.  Each opening was draped with a blanket hung to allow for privacy and warmth to the resident inside.  Chris proudly showed us her place and explained how she had cleaned it out for her roommate who she shared the space with.  A wooden posted homemade bed sat towards the back of the living space.  Odds and ends were lined against the wall... it was amazingly quiet which totally surprised me... but had the heavy smell of urine.  ( I wouldn't try and get down the steep incline in the middle of the night if I had to go to the bathroom)  Unfortunately that only left the entrance to each living space as an area to relieve oneself.  Old tattered clothes and garbage were strewn along the entry ways of each space.

Inviting??? No... but the love that I felt in my heart for Chris went beyond the shock and smell.... I gave Chris a big hug and told her that I hoped that she had a great week.  She told me she was going to go into her place and change into some comfy shorts that she had gotten from the clothes give away.  I told her I loved her and then made my way down the incline with the help of the rope so that I didn't wipe out... As Kaecey and I walked back to the car, I shared with her that I felt like I could vomit... she agreed, but it didn't really  matter because we both feel the same about Chris.  She is a special lady with a whole lot of strength to withstand her daily conditions.  God is revealing to us each week more of what he meant in 1 Corinthians 13:1. 

It is so easy to love my husband and my children... I adore them and would do anything for them.  This week, I was able to feel the tender love of a person that I barely know.  David is a homeless person that we have known since the beginning.  He was the guy that scared me so badly the first time I saw him because he was so tattooed all over his face and looked so scary.  David has softened over the months and has become a favorite amongst the volunteers.  He usually stays around until the end and prays with us.  David has problems,  he has a degenerative neurological disorder as well as a fried brain from so many drugs (our best guess), but David also has a heart.  This week he actually reached out to hug Keith before Keith hugged him.  This is the guy who would not even have eye contact with us in the beginning.  Before I left I went up to give David a hug because I hadn't been able to talk with him.  I gave him a big side bear hug and then held his hand for a moment.  David squeezed my hand in the sweetest way.  It was not in that yucky lecherous way... but more like a little boy holding onto his mom's hand because she felt safe and nice.  David grinned his sideways grin and then it was over.  For a tiny instance in time... God showed me a peak of His great love... it was that unconditional, sweet love that says... "I don't care what you have done... I love you for being you."  Thank you God for letting me experience more of your 1 Corinthians 13:1 love for the lost and the broken.  (It is only You God!)

Casting Crowns has a new song out also... "Jesus Friend of Sinners".....First off.. I am a sinner, so this song is not only for me, but about me.  In the song lyrics it says, "Open my eyes to the outcast..."  Lord Jesus... thank you for opening our eyes each week to the outcast and for helping to break our hearts for what breaks yours.

I am so thankful for the wonderful bunch of volunteers that show up each week.  We never know who will make it down and who won't, but it never fails... there are always enough people to serve...  God always provides the people, the clothes, the food, and the love to reach the lives of the outcast... the lives of our new friends..."  Please continue to grow my heart... to help me love like 1 Corinthians love....and to see people more like how you see them.... Please let my life be the proof of Your Great Love... In Jesus Holy Name.. Amen

Desperation Sunday....

Psalm 46:1-11  God is our refuge and strength, a tested help in times of trouble.  And so we need not fear even if the world blows up, and the mountains crumble into the sea.  Let the oceans roar and foam; let the mountains tremble!  There is a river of joy flowing through the City of our God- the sacred home of the God above all gods.  God himself is living in that City; therefore it stands unmoved despite the turmoil everywhere.  He will not delay his help.  The nations rant and rave in anger- but when God speaks, the earth melts in submission and kingdoms totter into ruin. 

          Today on North 1^st St we called it Desperation Sunday because it is the last Sunday in the month and yes… they were desperate.  The line snaked out towards the sidewalk as we organized the food line in anticipation for some hungry folks.  People continued to find their way across the street or down the road towards the smell of piping hot stew.  People were patient in line and didn’t appear overly desperate, however there was an overall feeling of agitation and neediness.  People seemed to be in “survivor mode” today. 

          I love how the bible states that even if the world blows up, and the mountains crumble into the sea…God is our refuge and strength.  Before serving, Keith called everyone to prayer.  He spoke of the refuge in Christ and how He is available to anyone who is interested in receiving them into their hearts…. Nobody answered the invitation that we were aware of, but we sure could sense the presence of the need for God’s refuge and strength as well as his joy! 

          At the end of each North 1^st St. adventure, Keith, Olivia, Kacey, and I usually stand around in the kitchen and swap stories of the day because we have all seen and experienced North  1^st from a different angle… we spoke to different people, and s       aw different things.  It is one of my favorite parts of the day because I love hearing everybody’s adventures.  The overwhelming agreement today was that a lot of people were a bit mean today…. Mean, desperate, hungry??? If someone set their bag of clothes down, it was likely to be stolen today compared to other days.   Why?  I don’t know… but it was happening.  We brought some extra food for a family and after Keith gave the food to the guy, he said, “Is that it?”  Are you kidding??? “Is that it?”  My flesh was insulted and put off…. Did he have any idea how much time it took me to make the food that we gave him???  but I think it was just a  response of desperation… He might have been thinking- is that it because I have a big family to feed…. Who knows.  There were people who wanted to take clothes from others… to get what we were handing out to someone else… to grab and possess. 

          Not everyone fit this M.O. however, there were a lot of older men who seemed to genuinely appreciate the food and clothes.  One man in particular said that the stew tasted just like how his mother and grandmother used to make it.  I was so glad that he could receive that comfort today.  It made me smile.  Another little girl made Keith’s day complete… She was so happy because her mom found her some pants, shoes, socks, shirts, and a jacket that fit…. She could be just like all of the other kids her age.  The part that grabbed my heart that she was a 3^rd generation homeless child.  Her mom and grandmother were there and were also homeless… 3 generations living without a place to call home, without a bed to call their own.  Lord God,  even when the mountains crumble into the sea and the world explodes…. You are our strength and our refuge… Your joy is a river flowing through the city-  Thank You Jesus!!!  You Lord can break the cycle… You are their hope!!!

          Glenn was in a downward spiral today.  He always shares with us that he is a paranoid schizophrenic… Glenn has been very open about needing help, but today in particular Glen was manic, Glenn’s world was crashing.  A shadow of stubble covered his cheeks and chin.  He appeared disheveled, agitated, and desperate.  He wanted time to talk out his frustrations.  Because he had missed 2 weeks of medication, he wasn’t thinking or processing clearly.  Glen’s thoughts seemed to weave in and out of each other- never actually ending, just hooking onto a new worry or frustration.  The problem is that the medicine helps him to think clearly, but if he doesn’t take it then he becomes irrational, and when he is irrational he thinks that he can’t afford the medication- which he totally can, but he is too engulfed in worry and fear to spend the money on the prescription.  Henceforth… the cycle continues to spiral….. down….. Lord Jesus I pray that Glen will be able to grab onto Your place of refuge and that he will find strength in You!!!

          Last week Keith promised an elderly Hispanic gentleman that he would find a Spanish bible for him.  So today we remembered at the last minute that we needed to find a Spanish bible.  I went up to Inklings Bookstore and sure enough… there was a Spanish bible (Thank You Lord!)  and it only cost $4.95.  WOW!  Now that is a great deal…. So I asked for 5.  Lol!   Fast forward to North 1^st street and sure enough Keith found more people that wanted a Spanish bible.  One man in particular warmed my heart so much.  Keith asked him if he needed a Spanish bible and he replied, “No thank you, but he needs one,” pointing to his friend standing next to him.  Keith look to the man next to him and asked him if he wanted a Spanish bible…. “Oh yes, I need the bible because I read to him.”  The gentleman pointed over to his friend who had just said no to the bible.  The first man couldn’t read, but he knew his friend needed the bible so he could read it to him.  What a wonderful friend to have.  Dear Lord… thank you so much for standing unmoved amongst all of the turmoil.  Thank you Lord for your strength and your refuge…. When You speak… I pray that we all listen!!

          We never know week by week what it will be like on North 1^st St. but what we do know is that God stands unmoved, that His promises never change, that God never leaves us nor forsakes us, and that God is now and will forever be our refuge and our strength.  Lord I am humbled and so thankful that we get to serve you.  Thank You for turning our fishes to loaves and for taking a desperation Sunday and turning it into "enough" because Your "enough"  is always "enough"!  Amen! :0)