John 8:12 When Jesus spoke again to the
people, he said, "I am
the light of the world. Whoever follows me will
never walk in darkness, but will have the light of
life."
It was a wonderful blessed day on North 1st
today! We have been adjusting these past couple weeks to the “wet season”. What that means on North First St. is figure
out where we can set up that is not covered with water. Small puddles, “mini-lakes” have started
pooling along various areas of the lot making it difficult to figure out where
to put clothes, cars, tables, food, and people.
People have been patient though and most always so gracious. I think that they are so used to life being “really
hard” that they don’t really seem to mind the “inconveniences” as much as we
probably do.
Today seemed to have a lot of people who
were hurting, cold, hungry, and scared.
New faces both young and old were in abundance, lined up and
hungry. We’ve come to learn that for a
lot of people, Sunday at 2:00 means warm food, smiles, safety, and a time when
they will be treated with dignity and respect.
It is a time of the week when they can relax a little bit and be served,
when life isn’t quite as hard, if only for a few hours. We try to serve them as if we were serving
Jesus…
Towards the end of the day, a lady came up
to me and told me that she has been off meth for 3 weeks. She said that it was really hard and she was
so scared, but that she has gotten through the physically challenging
part. Now she faces rehab up in
Spokane. She is optimistic and prays
that it will work. It has been 3 years
that she has been addicted to meth. I
told her that I felt so bad for her not because of the meth addiction, but because
of the pain that she must have been going through that led her to use. At hearing this, she opened up and told me
that she had been sexually and physically abused since she was a little girl. She married a man who continued the abuse and
perpetuated the lie…. The lie being that she deserved what she got and that she
was created to be used and tossed aside by those who were supposed to protect
her and love her. Lately, she has been tormented by night mares
related to the abuse. I asked how old
she was and she told me “40”. I was
shocked! She looked much older because of
the hard life that she has lived, but she cried tears of a young girl that just
wanted to be loved and safe. We prayed
and I told her that I would continue praying for her as she was going through
rehab.
It is so humbling to hear the stories…. To see
the faces….. to hug the shoulders of people who are just like the rest of us…. Humans
in need of acceptance, love, safety, protection, grace…..
When we serve down on North First Street we
often first think of the unsaved… of how if only they had Jesus then their
lives would be so much better…. If only they knew the truth! We think of how Jesus died on the cross for
their sins and that His grace and mercy are the gift that He brings to them….
But I sit here with a mirror reflecting
back to me the image of myself….that grace and mercy is as much for me as it is
for them. I am as much in need of
forgiveness and grace as any drug addict, prostitute, murderer…. My sin is much
quieter, much more hidden, but equally as rebellious and wrong…. My sin is
apathy… it is rebellion against spending time in the Word of God… not in a “works”
manner involving a certain amount of time or certain number of passages per
day…. But in a true manner…. Purposefully choosing to not spend time in the
Word of God because of some inner rebellious feeling that says, “But I can’t
concentrate right now, but I just need some down time that doesn’t involve
thinking, I just need some “me” time with facebook, a novel, a Christmas
chick-flick, Hallmark Channel.
I have
no problem studying autism intensely with this huge passion to try and figure
out how to help the children I work with all day…. But why don’t I choose to
study the Word of God with such intensity! Why don’t I dig into it like I would
dig into a chocolate pie, or a mine filled with gold?? I don’t because of a
rebellious spirit that has to die. I
repent of that Spirit God and ask for forgiveness. I choose time in Your Word, Time diving in
and learning more about You! Yes, I
understand there is a balance, but I know myself well enough to know that I am
not addressing this as a slave to “works”, but as a sinner who knows that the
root is rebellion and not misguided learning. It is not a brain problem, or a
time problem, or a comprehension problem, or a focus problem, it is a heart
problem.
The more time that I spend in the Word, the
more that I start to understand what the face of Jesus looks like, what the
words of Jesus sound like, what the touches of Jesus would feel like…. This in
turn effects how I treat my husband, how I speak to my children, how I love my
neighbor as well as my enemy. In my human
rebellious spirit I have no choice but to act in the flesh…. But when I throw
off the rebellious spirit, I embrace the Holy Spirit. This is true freedom, this is true joy, this
is true life! Peace, joy, wisdom, healing,
rest, and strength are found here.… I
pray that my friend who is going off to rehab… I pray that she finds these
things….
Lord I thank You that You give Mercy and
Grace in abundance and that it is not just for our friends on North First
Street, but for all of our deep rooted sin that keeps us apart from You. I repent and turn from my sin… please
continue to uncover the things that keep me far from You because what I truly
desire is to be so very close to You! In
Jesus Holy Name, Amen!
(Also,
We are so very thankful for ALL of the amazing help that has come along beside
us through this adventure! Your prayers,
clothes, food, time, blankets, etc. are
so very appreciated!!!)
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