This week I have another haunting thought...You know the kind.... it goes through your mind and then your driving down the highway and wham!.... the thought goes through your head again.... and two weeks later... you are still dwelling on the person....Chris (the prostitute that we met 12 weeks ago) haunts me... I wonder where she is... I haven't seen her for 3 or 4 weeks. D- haunts me because his twitching and writhing is so bad from all of the drugs he has done, I wonder if the damage is permanent....
and now there is T.... T is a 23 year old skinny, 6ft.something... African American young man that came up to us today. His pants were hanging down lower than they should be... and his hair was sticking up higher than it should be...A fro that definately needed a cut and probably some shampoo. He caught my eye right away because we don't see too many African American's down here. I knew that Keith would connect with him right away because he tries to connect with anyone that looks new, but especially if they are black. I think since he is black too, that they usually connect right away. He wants so much for them to feel comfortable. When Keith told me about their conversation.... I wanted to cry. We have an almost 22 year old son who is living away from home.... but the stories between our T and the T we met down on North 1st street are so so different.... Keith's conversation went something like this:
K: Hey- what's your name?
T: Pause... T
K: How old are you?
T: Pause....(the pause is processing time because he was high ) 23
K: Wow man... where are you from?
T: Elgin, Illinois
K: Wow.. that is far, how did you get here?
T: P.a.u.s.e..... walked
K: You walked from Illinois?
K: Is your mom there?
T: Don't know
K: Is she alive?
T: Uhhhhhhhh Don't know.......
K: How about your dad??
T: Hmmmmm... Don't know......
K: What do you want to do? (Like what are your plans??)
T: Go to Idaho
K: Really? What is in Idaho?
T: Open space.................
K: Did you grow up in church?
K: Can I pray for you? Is there anything I can pray for?
T: Ya..... My Soul..........
Keith went ahead and prayed with T and then told him that he hoped to see him next week.
When I heard the conversation, I wanted to weep.... God did not want our babies to grow up to walk aimlessly across the country, to not know where their parents are or if they are even alive... I know that there are far worse things in this world that go on but this just touched my heart. We also have a 20 something year old.... he text me tonight and is doing great... he lives in Seattle- works for Microsoft and is taking a short break from classes at the Seattle Art Institute. He was telling me how much he has in his 401K and also how much he has in Microsoft stock..... I personally wouldn't care if he worked for Microsoft or Babysoft.... the fact is .... he has a job, he has a future, he is exicted and striving for his future, he knows that he has a mom and dad that love him, and he knows that even though he isn't embracing Christianity at this time... that God is real and that God loves him....
T wants open space.... and if you could fill in the blanks... he would also say- food on a regular basis.... and something to keep him warm... probably a pillow wouldn't hurt either.... He asked for prayer for his "soul" Even in T's stonned state- He knew that he needed God... and he cared enough about God to ask for his help. T had the vulnerable, little boy look to him that made me imagine what he probably looked like in kindergarten.... His body was long and gauky like he hadn't grown into his "man body" yet.... unfortunately he has probably experienced much too harsh a life then most of our men..... T is so young, so needy, and so lost.... only God can heal all that needs to be healed, only God can fix all that needs to be fixed. T will haunt my thoughts for a long time.... this is not a bad thing though because then in my busyness I might remember to pray for him.... in my hustle and bustle and inconveniences... I will thank God that I have "hustle and bustle" and not complain so much.... And maybe when I think about my own son.... I will appreciate his text's a little bit more..... And remember to pray for the souls of all my children.....
Dear Jesus, Thank you for helping me to see people through your eyes. I believe that the anguish I feel for them... is only a smidgen of the anguish you feel for the world.... Thank you for growing and stretching me every day... In Jesus Holy Name... Amen